Category: Counseling

Should I do it? – You decide!

The Marriage Improvement ProjectI’m considering a new project here on the blog… and could use your input to help me decide if I should.

I’m thinking about “blogging” my couple’s marriage devotional, “The Marriage Improvement Project” for anyone who would commit to doing it for the sake of their own marriage.  If you don’t know about the MIP, it’s a couple’s devotional study I’ve put together that has helped many couples I’ve counseled.  It’s designed for both spouses to go through together, with some discussion built in.

The way I’d go about it is that I’d post one day’s devotional at a time, at an interval of every other day.

AND I’D BE DOING THIS TOTALLY FREE!

For example:

  • Saturday: I “blog” the “How To Use This Book” chapter
  • Monday: I “blog” the day 1 study
  • Wednesday: I “blog” the day 2 study
  • Friday: I “blog” the day 3 study
  • Sunday: I “blog” the day 4 study
  • Tuesday: etc. – you get the idea… until Day 40 is done.

I’m curious what you think…

Would you do the work of improving YOUR marriage if I posted it?  Talk to your spouse and let me know through the comments below!  If you don’t see it posted at a later date… nobody was interested.

Books from the PF Journal..

Sexually Abused? Need help? – Free E-BOOK – limited time

photo courtesy of "The Resurgence"

The E-book “Rid of My Disgrace” is free from The Resurgence Store for a limited time (April 2-3, 2012).

Here’s the blurb from the back of the book:

The statistics are jarring. One in four women and one in six men are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. But as sobering as the statistics are, they don’t begin to speak to the darkness and grief experienced by these victims. Because sexual assault causes physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual pain, victims need clear help, hope, and healing. In Rid of My Disgrace, a couple experienced in counseling victims of sexual assault explains how the grace of God can heal the broken and restore the disgraced.

Justin and Lindsey Holcomb outline an approach for moving from destruction to redemption. While avoiding platitudes and shallow theology, Rid of My Disgrace combines biblical and theological depth with up-to-date research. This book is primarily written for those who have been assaulted (either as children or adults) but also equips family, friends, pastors, and others to care for victims in ways that are compassionate, practical, and informed. Part of the Re:Lit series.

…from the “Blatantly False Christian Quotations” category…

Most Christians have heard this one.  Most Christians have said this one.  I think at one point I’ve actually said it too.  But I’ve come to see that the Bible NEVER affirms it to be true….

“God will never put you in a situation you can’t handle.”

And if you buy that one, I’ve got some wonderful swampland in Florida you should consider buying…

The more I read the scriptures, the more I realize that this quote is blatantly false.  In fact, it’s worse than that… it’s exactly opposite of what God typically does or what we see regularly demonstrated in the scriptures.  Think about even the most well-known accounts from the scriptures…

  • God’s command to Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egyptian slavery (who wound up handling that one?  Uh… God)
  • God’s command to Noah to build the ark (Who wound up bringing all the animals to the ark?  Uh… God again)
  • How about David’s fight with Goliath (David was confident he could kill Goliath because he was such a “dead-eye” shot with a sling… right? READ IT FOR YOURSELF)
  • Jesus’ command to us to “be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt. 5:48).  Which of us is up for that one?

Though very well-meaning, isn’t this quote really saying more about OUR ability than it is God’s?  Since when has God been all about telling us how wonderful WE are?  how much WE can accomplish on our own?  what good hearts WE have?

It seems to be me the message of the gospel is that we can’t do anything on our own.  We’re helpless.  We’re in desperate need of the grace of God – yes, even AFTER we place our faith in Him.

So back to the quote in question…
Q; Well-meaning?  A: Perhaps.
Q: Accurate?  A: Not on your life.  In fact, it’s more akin to humanism than to Christian faith…

Celebrate Recovery – Complete Sermon Series

Some months ago we went through the “Celebrate Recovery” materials created at Saddleback Church in CA.  We did the entire sermon series, etc.  Below is the entire series for your edification – enjoy!

Step 1 – Realize I’m Not God – DOWNLOAD


Step 2 – Earnestly believe that God exists / Step 3 – Commit my life to His care – DOWNLOAD


Step 4 – Openly confess to God – DOWNLOAD


Step 5 – Voluntarily submit everything to God – DOWNLOAD


Step 6 – Evaluate my relationships & release my hurts to God

Part 1 – DOWNLOAD


Part 2 – DOWNLOAD


Step 7 – Reserve a daily time with God – DOWNLOAD


Step 8 – Yield myself to God to be used to spread His good news – DOWNLOAD


Are you managing sin or dealing with it?

Matt Johnson writes the following on the Resurgence

Both the average churchgoer and those seeking one-on-one pastoral care are generally seeking two things: spiritual life-coaching for sin management and deliverance from pain and chaos. Self-improvement advice is more palatable than proclaiming death to the believer and their indwelling sin. (read the rest of the article here)

When you are seeking counsel or advice from those spiritual leaders the Lord has put over you (your local church leadership) are you doing so for either of the reasons Matt describes?

  1. Seeking to how to manage your sin (instead of killing it through the power of the Spirit)
  2. Deliverance from pain or chaos (instead of imitating Christ’s example through the power of His Spirit, by perseverance through suffering)

Give it some thought…

Related post - Three Prerequisites to Changing Your L ife

Marriage: Who Needs It?

Originally posted on Albert Mohler’s blog – www.albertmohler.com

“When an institution so central to human experience suddenly changes shape in the space of a generation or two, it’s worth trying to figure out why.” Belinda Luscombe of TIME magazine made that observation in the course of reporting on a major study of marriage undertaken by TIME and the Pew Research Center. In the cover story for the magazine’s November 29, 2010 edition, Luscombe summarizes their findings with a blunt statement: “What we found is that marriage, whatever its social, spiritual, or symbolic appeal, is in purely practical terms just not as necessary as it used to be.”

Without doubt, marriage has been utterly transformed in the modern world. In Western nations, the concept of marriage as a sacred covenant has given way to the idea that marriage is merely a legal contract. The limitation of sexual intercourse to marriage went the way of the Sexual Revolution, even as the ideal of permanence gave way to no-fault divorce and serial monogamy. And as for monogamy, that may be on shaky ground, too. These days, you can’t take anything for granted.

The debates over the legitimization and legalization of same-sex marriage have, among other things, revealed the fact that far too many Americans (and that includes a frightening number of American Christians) are simply unarmed for any intellectual conflict on any question related to marriage.

And the demographics? Brace yourselves. In 1960, 70 percent of all American adults were married. Now, that number is just over half. Eight times as many children are born out of wedlock as compared to that same year. In the 1960s, two-thirds of all young adults in their twenties were married. Now, only 26 percent of twenty-somethings are married.

Statistics can inform or misinform, and it is possible to find statistical support that puts a happier face on the health of marriage. But in order to find these happier statistics, it is necessary to redefine the question. For example, some marriage defenders will assert, accurately, that most Americans will at some point be married. But that fact lowers the question of marriage to the minimalist level of “at some point.” By any honest measure, marriage is in big trouble.

When Belinda Luscombe argues that marriage is “in purely practical terms just not as necessary as it used to be,” she has a rationale to back up her argument. “Neither men nor women need to be married to have sex or companionship or professional success or respect or even children.” All that is true — when marriage is viewed on the canvas of American culture. Marriage no longer regulates sex. The Sexual Revolution severed sex from marriage in a social sense, and the arrival of The Pill offered a pharmaceutical means of severing sex from reproduction. No-fault divorce arrived as a legal accommodation to marital impermanence, effectively redefining both marital and family law in the process. Social status and professional expectations were liberated from the question of marriage, and many feminists declared that marriage itself was an impediment to the full liberation of women.

And yet, Luscombe ends her argument about the “not as necessary as it used to be” status of marriage with these words — “yet marriage remains revered and desired.” Really? Well, that all depends on how you define reverence and desire.

TIME reports that 40 percent of Americans believe that marriage is now obsolete, up from 28 percent in 1978. Cohabitation is now the norm for American adults — not just before marriage, but increasingly instead of marriage. And American cohabitation is an exceedingly weak arrangement. As Andrew Cherlin of Johns Hopkins University explains, Americans “have the shortest cohabiting relationships of any wealthy country in the world.” Less than half of all Americans believe that cohabitation is morally wrong.

Divorce is now an institutionalized part of American life, complete now with an industry putting out divorce announcements, greeting cards, and party plans. The American divorce rate, though now somewhat stable, is so disastrously high that even social scientists are shocked. As Professor Cherlin remarked: “One statistic I saw when writing my book that floored me was that a child living together with unmarried parents in Sweden has a lower chance that his family will disrupt than does a child living with married parents in the U.S.”

That statistic should floor all of us.

The TIME/Pew study also revealed more visible contours of the “marriage gap” that has emerged with respect to income and education levels. For most of the twentieth century, the age of one’s first marriage rose for those young adults pursuing a college education, while those without a college education married earlier. That is no longer the case. Now, it is those marked by lower incomes and educational levels who are marrying late — if at all. In a stunning reversal of social patterns, it is the more highly educated who are now more likely to marry. Economic factors are most often cited as the reason for this reversal, but this is not fully convincing. In far more desperate economic times, couples have managed to get married, stay married, and raise a family. Furthermore, as TIME notes, this pattern becomes a formula for disaster, since marriage uniquely provides the stability needed to escape poverty and many social pathologies.

TIME’s cover asks the question straightforwardly — “Who Needs Marriage?” The magazine and its team sought to answer that question “in purely practical terms,” doing their best to leave questions of morality and theology aside. But Christians, who rightly see the practical benefits of marriage as exemplars of common grace, cannot stop there. We believe that humanity needs marriage. God created the institution of marriage — defined on his terms — as the central institution of human society. Marriage was given to us by our Creator as the central institution for sexual relatedness, procreation, and the nurture of children. But, even beyond these goods, God gave us marriage as an institution central to human happiness and flourishing. Rightly understood, marriage is essential even to the happiness and flourishing of the unmarried. It is just that central to human existence, and not by accident.

There is much more to the Pew Research Center’s report, but TIME’s cover story put the most crucial questions before its readers. The question on its cover demands a faithful answer.

Who needs marriage? I do. You do. We all do — and for reasons far more fundamental than can be explained “in purely practical terms.”

Sermon Audio available – Celebrate Recovery Step 8

Series: Celebrate Recovery —- Sermon Date: 11.07.10


Celebrate Recovery – Step 7 – Sermon Audio online

You can find audio to Celebrate Recovery, Step 7 online now!


Sermon Audio – Celebrate Recovery Step 6, part 1

You can find audio to download here or play it below…