Tagged: children

Ideas to pray for your children…

Years ago my wife came across a list (I have no idea where she got it) called “How to Pray for your Child.”  She’s been faithful to daily pray at least parts of it, for our 5, beginning with the birth of our oldest (who is almost 20 at the time of this writing).

Anyway… I’ve not prayed it myself, but as I read through it this morning I saw great value in these thoroughly-biblical prayers for our children… and am SO thankful my wife has been faithful in praying for them in these ways.  Originally, there were 12, and Mindi has added some of her own.  So, below I give you… “How to Pray for Your Child”

HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR CHILD

The following suggestions might be helpful as you think of praying for your children, for their needs now and for their needs in the future.

  1. That they will know Christ as Savior early in life. (Psalm 63:1, 1 Timothy 3:15)
  2. That they will have a hatred for sin, a desire for holiness, and a love for God.   (Psalm 97:10, Hebrews 12:14, Matthew 22:37)
  3. That they will be caught when guilty.  (Psalm 119:71)
  4. That they will be protected from the evil one in each area of their lives -  spiritual, emotional, and physical.  (John 17:15)
  5. That they will have a responsible attitude in all their personal relationships, being considerate, mature, and taking the initiative in love.  (Daniel 6:3, Philippians 2:4, Matthew 5:43-44)
  6. That they will respect those in authority over them.  (Romans 13:1)
  7. That they will desire the right kind of friends and be protected from the wrong  friends. (Proverbs 1:10-11)
  8. That they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. (2 Corinthians 6:14-17)
  9. That they, as well as those they marry will be kept pure until marriage.  (2 Corinthians 6:18-20)
  10. That they will learn to totally submit to God and actively resist satan in all circumstances, and to fear the Lord.  (James 4:7, Psalm 34:9)
  11. That they will be singlehearted, willing to be sold out to Jesus Christ – to be passionate followers of Christ.  (Romans 12:1-2)
  12. That they will be hedged in so they cannot find their way to wrong people or wrong places and that they wrong people cannot find their way to them. (Hosea 2:6)
  13. That their thoughts will be captive to obedience to Christ.  (2 Corinthians 10:5)
  14. That they will live by faith, by the  Spirit, and by truth – not by their emotions.  (2 Corinthians 5:7, Galatians 5:16, John 8:32, 1 Peter 1:14)
  15. That they will love the Lord with their whole mind, soul, body, and stength.  (Mark 12:30)
  16. That they will ask for and seek wisdom daily.  (Proverbs 4:5, James 1:5-6)
  17. That they will point others to the heart of God and not to other things. (1 Corinthians 6:20, 1 Peter 2:12)

Let the little children come / The Rich young ruler – Luke 18:15-30 – sermon on-line

You can find audio to “The Faith of a Child, the Pride of an Adult” a sermon on Luke 18:15-30 by hovering or clicking your mouse HERE

Christian Parenting Mistake #7 – “He’s just tired…”

Let me paint the scenario for you (it happened just today, so it’s pretty easy)…

My daughter is leaving Kindergarten with my wife and calling “good-bye” to her friends.  She says “Good-bye” and hugs one little girl, who is stiff as a board and says nothing.  Another of them who was walking away hand in hand with her mother, is called BY NAME – “Bye so-and-so!”  The little girl didn’t even turn around.  Her mother turned her around and said, “Say good-bye, so-and-so…”  The little girl scowled with her head down and refused to say anything.  The Mom then said to my wife, (here it comes)… “She’s just tired…”

Let me ask you a question… since when is it acceptable for ANYONE to intentionally ignore another person who is talking directly to them?  When adults do that we call it “RUDE.”  It’s frowned upon, and is clearly not loving or considerate to the person attempting to interact with them.

Yet, Christian parents (people who are supposed to be following Jesus’ teachings and teaching their children to do the same) repeatedly (and I mean REPEATEDLY) excuse the selfish, rude, and UNACCEPTABLE behavior of their own children with the “He’s just tired…” excuse.

Are our kids sometimes tired and therefore more prone to being cranky and selfish?  Absolutely!  It goes for adults too – (and probably describes me at least once a week)!  But since when is that a legitimate reason for bad, rude, inconsiderate behavior?  If I were to ignore you when you were talking directly to me, and then say, “I’m just tired…”, You wouldn’t buy it for a second!  Why do we allow it with our kids?!!???

Maybe it’s because we think, “They are just kids… they’ll learn in time…”  But the truth is (and experience bears this out), they WON’T learn it if YOU, the PARENT, don’t TEACH THEM why it’s wrong and what to do instead!  Many of the selfish, prideful, inconsiderate ADULTS of today are the result of such tragic parenting mistakes!  The only thing they learned is that when their emotions get the best of them, then they are excused from decent behavior.

As Christian parents we must understand that there is a two-fold responsibility on us as parents in areas like this.

  1. We need to teach our children that THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE BEFORE GOD (and us as their parents and God’s primary representative authority in their lives) to be filled and controlled by the Spirit of God – NO MATTER THE SITUATION (tired, frustrated, angry, fearful, etc.)
  2. That requires that WE as parents  REQUIRE appropriate behavior of them, even in public (as was the case at my daughter’s school today).  The fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians chapter 5 need to be flowing out of our children as young representatives of Christ!  It takes some appropriate discipline to bring this about (which many parents are afraid of – another of the many Christian parenting mistakes), but it can and SHOULD be done.

You may think, “My kid is just shy…”  The truth is that my daughter is naturally shy too – but my wife has been teaching her to be friendly to her friends – to be like Jesus EVEN THOUGH she is shy.  Shyness, like the other things mentioned, is not an excuse to be rude or inconsiderate.

My desire is not for parents to be “Drill Sgts.” to their kids, but to teach them the self-control and discipline needed to be loving, considerate CHRISTIANS in a world that knows very little about such things.

“She’s just tired…”   No, she’s just badly parented.

Dogs, Children, and Foolish Parents

This makes be SOOO angry! 

My wife was having coffee with a friend today.  The friend glanced out the window of the coffee shop and saw furniture being moved out of her Chiropractor’s office.  She said, “Oh, I hope he’s not quitting business.  He might have been forced to…”

She went on to tell this tragic / foolish / terrible story…

The Chiropractor was in the habit of having his dog at his office.  It was a gentle dog, had never caused any trouble, but had been adopted by the Chiropractor out of an abusive situation.  A customer had come into the Chiropractor’s office with her little girl.  The Chiropractor saw the little girl playing with the dog in a manner that wasn’t very safe.  She was getting it it’s face, holding it’s ears, etc.  He told her not to do that sort of thing because the dog didn’t like it.  She continued to do it anyway.  The Chiropractor warned her again – repeatedly.  She still persisted in her behavior.  All the while the mom, within earshot of everything, did nothing.

I don’t have to tell you the end of the story.  The dog eventually DID bite the little girl – right across her face.  My wife’s friend was alluding to a hope that the Chiropractor didn’t have to quit business because he was sued.

For the sake of clarity I have to say – dogs will be dogs.  They are animals.  They will bite when they feel intimidated, harrassed, or in danger.  No question.  But was the dog the one to blame in this situation?  I don’t think so… I think it was a very foolish mom who was to blame.  Let me explain…

I can only find a handful of options for why we continue to read about this sort of thing in the papers…

  1. The mom didn’t have the ability to control her daughter (an issue of bad parenting)
  2. The mom didn’t care to control her daughter (an issue of neglectful parenting)
  3. The mom had not taught her daughter a proper respect for animals and adults (another issue of bad parenting)
  4. Or a combination of these…

But like most of our lawsuit-happy culture, the Chiropractor was to blame, not the mom or the girl.

I’ve seen this sort of thing happen again and again.  People (or their children) do stupid things to or around animals and when the animal responds as animals are bound to do, they owner of the animal is slapped with a lawsuit.  Then I being to wonder, “Who’s more foolish?  Those who bring such tragedies on themselves and then sue, or the courts that find their lawsuit to be valid and rule in their favor?”  It’s certifiably insane how our society has devolved into an “Anyone-to-blame-but-me” mentality.

The moral of the story:  Parents – BE PARENTS!  It is your responsibility before God to control your children, teach them proper boundaries (for their own safety, if nothing else), and teach them respect for other people and their property (including their pets).  It may take a firm hand if you’ve lost ground with your child in this area.  It may take the dreaded “S” word (spanking – gasp!).  But the bottom line (no pun intended) is that your child NEEDS you to enforce healthy boundaries for them.  If you don’t, life eventually will. 

Weigh out the difference: Would you rather spank your child if needed and save them from consequences much more horrible than a spanking, or will it take a tragic circumstance, where YOUR child is the one injured, to make you wake up?!!???

Don’t worry so much about damaging your child’s fragile ego… be more concerned about damaging your child’s LIFE by allowing such foolish behavior to put them in harm’s way!  It’s the epitome of foolishness to expect that your child can behave any way they want to, simply because they are a child, and others should be liable for the results.  That’s unwise (foolish) parenting – at best.

Spanking = Future Sexual Problems?

You may have seen the headline today: “STUDY: Spanking May lead to Sexual Problems Later.”

Though there is some attempt at moderation in the headline by the use of the word “may,” the general direction of the headline and the article is that spanking is clearly questionable behavior on the part of parents because of an adverse impact it is likely to have on their children in the future.  This is one of the many examples of intellectual trickery (at best) and flat-out dishonesty at worst, that is present in the public dialogue of modern-day America.  When you read the headlines and the articles that go with them – THINK!  THINK!  THINK!  Don’t let yourself be fooled into believing that the “science” of a study like this is ironclad “proof” for anything.  It’s far from it!  Let’s examine it a bit further…

First, you have to notice some of the key words in the article:  “May… could… suggests…”  These words are leaving room for their initial conclusions to be wrong, which is highly appropriate and fair.  If you read the article wisely, you’ll notice that the assertions of the headline are not at all “fact.”  So don’t think that just because it’s in print, it’s a foregone conclusion.  The conclusions of this study, like many, are very speculative at best…

Next, notice the actual criteria by which they included spanking in the study…

(the study) suggests that children whose parents spanked, slapped, hit or threw objects at them may have a greater chance of physically or verbally coercing a sexual partner, engaging in risky sexual behavior or engaging in masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking.

So in this study they lumped parents who lovingly and carefully spanked their children in with those who “slap, hit, or threw objects at them.”  There is a WORLD of difference between a controlled, loving, clearly-explained spanking and an impetuous slap, hit, or throwing of an object at a child.  The first is careful, loving discipline, the second is violence.  To lump them all together as the “same thing” is not only unfair, it is biased toward a certain outcome.  That’s NOT good science.  In any study or evaluation on a scientific level, as much effort as possible is to be given to making all things equal.  In this case, the trouble was not taken to do so.

I can assure you, the outcome of the study would be FAR different if they made an individual category for children whose parents lovingly, carefully, and in a clearly controlled way, spanked their children.  It takes a bit more work to do this, because you have to interview those who were spanked to find out what “kind” of spanking it was.  Was it purely a fit of rage on the part of the parent?  Was it unclear or ambiguous to the child as to why or how a spanking would come?  Or was it a controlled, carefully-explained discipline done in love that the child clearly understood?  The first two deserve to be lumped in with those who hit, slap, or throw things at their child.  The last is light-years away from them.

Admittedly, headlines are designed to draw a reader in… to be enticing and provocative.  That’s not going to change.  What that means for the discerning parent and Christian is that they have to do the work of CAREFULLY READING, AND THINKING through the content of the article instead of taking the assertions of such a headline wholesale, as “truth.”

Living a wise life is hard work… and if parents (people in general) don’t get used to that fact and take it seriously, we’ll continue to slide into a very unwise mode of thinking, and have little impact on the world we live in for the good.

Mom Anthem – and some thoughts

I’ve seen this video before – it really is funny!  While we can laugh at it because it’s all to familiar (either in our homes or in the homes we grew up in) it also communicates something about us parents that I think we have to be careful about (especially when it’s all crammed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds). 

Don’t let yourself develop a bad attitude about your kids! 

It absolutely kills me when I hear parents say stuff like, “I can’t wait until they are out of the house!”  or “Just wait until YOU have teens!”  I know, I know – there are difficulties in every stage and at times it can be very irritating and frustrating.  But that’s what we signed up for when we became parents!  That’s the heroic part of our jobs!  We get to take these immature and flawed individuals and raise them to be better – raise them to be Godly.  I wonder sometimes, why parents don’t understand that when their kids have bad attitudes toward them as parents, it’s often a reflection of the attitude the parents have toward the kids?????  God says kids are a blessing (and they are).  Yet many parents often think of them and treat them like a FILL IN THE BLANK (bother, curse, irritation, aggravation, problem, necessary evil, etc.).

Now that I’ve gotten all of that out of my system.  Have a good time laughing at this video…

Disastrous parenting – toddler edition

SCENE 1: Mom and toddler are visiting your home.  Said toddler is everywhere, all at once it seems.  Any item within reach, from knick-knacks to books to the contents of the kitchen cabinets (which said toddler knows how to open) are grabbed, banged, placed in her drooling mouth (she’s teething), or thrown across the room.

Mom’s reaction?  She says, “Janie, that’s a no-no.” - and DOES nothing about it.

SCENE 2: A group of moms and toddlers have gathered for a “playdate.”  It’s been ”O.K.” given the daunting task of conversing on an adult level while trying to keep 6 toddlers occupied, safe, and relatively free of toddler-sized-conflict.  As the first family attempts to leave, the toddler in question screws up his face, falls with a loud “thump” onto his diaper-cushioned bum, and screams pitifully at the top of his lungs while tears flow like a river.  You can make out these toddlerish words through his wails, “No WANNA go!  Nooooo!!!!!”  Mom bends over to her precious boy and says (in a voice remniscent of a fairy god-mother or female Santa), “It’s time to go Brandon…. say good-bye to your friends… didn’t we have fun?…. Look!  Katie is being good and getting on her coat!  Maybe when we get home we can have a treat!”  Then, looking to another mother who is nearby she says, “Oh… he’s SO exhausted!  I think somebody needs a nap!”

These are two of many scenarios that play out daily in the world of parenting.  Not uncommon.  Not exaggerated at all.  And they are examples of how I think today’s parents are not only doing a disservice to those around them, but ALSO handicapping their children for the future.  I’ll explain.

A parent’s job in the actual task of parenting is to “TRAIN” their children (Proverbs 22:6).  Training is undertaken to bring about some specified, tangible result (think of an Olympic athelete’s training).  In this case, the desired outcome is a respectful, Godly individual who has learned to revere and respect God first, authority second, and others third (notice that THEIR self-interest is not even on that list).  Practically, that means that their outward behavior shows that at the heart level they are repsectful, Godly, etc.  (Proverbs 20:11) A parent who wants to TRAIN their child toward this end is aware of the need of being in control of EVERY situation, no matter how inconvenient or embarrassing (we’re talking about toddlers here… the method will vary as a child gets older) so that they can TRAIN the child toward the desired end.

For some, this will take a complete overhaul or change of mindset.  You don’t think of yourself as authoritative in the life of your child (for many reasons, probably).  You want to be their “friend” not their parent.  You want to let them ”be themselves” and explore the world (not a bad thing, but most people, when being themselves are selfish and inconsiderate.  Is THAT the person you want your child to be?)  No matter what thinking you have on the subject, the reality is this:  YOU are the PARENT.  YOU know best what is in the interest for your child’s well-being both now (in the immediate, emotional moment) and in the future (the person you and God desire them to become).  In situations like the ones noted above, NO training was taking place – only accommodation, coddling, toleration of wrong behavior, and excuse making.  This DOES NOT benefit your child.  It only teaches them that THEY call the shots, not you (or God) – which is handicapping them for dealing with the realities of life.  The eventual result, in the best case, is that the child will grow up with a sense of entitlement and “I matter most” in their minds.

Many parents are pulling their hair out concerning how to handle their toddlers because they haven’t properly gone about training them how to behave properly.  But it’s not too late!  Toddlers, though very immature and full of energy, STILL need to be taught how to behave politely, properly, considerately toward others (a huge task, I know), and in a way that honors God!  It not only needs to be taught, but required of them!  Don’t underestimate them!  Don’t write things off because of their immaturity!  Don’t make excuses for wrong behavior (“He’s SO tired”)!  You CAN teach and train your child to be different, now, in all of these areas – and they CAN get it! 

And by the way, this is a LOVING act – not a harsh one!  It’s for their good and in the best interest of your family and an act of love toward the world you and your child live in!  It’s an act of kindness, a blessing you are providing them, a tool you are equipping them with.  You are giving them the priceless gifts of wisdom and self-control – two qualities sorely lacking in our “my-feelings-matter-most” world.  As a parent you HAVE to take a long view on this.  Try to look ahead to foresee what your toddler’s current behavior patterns will take him to as an adult.  Look at all the adults you know (maybe in your own home) who can’t do what’s right because their feelings of selfishness, entitlement, and personal inconvenience dominate them.  Is THAT the kind of adult you want your child to become?

I don’t write about this from a Pollyanna-ish perspective.  I have 5 kids – my youngest just exiting the toddler years.  I can tell you from experience that my kids were not exceptionally well-behaved or compliant from the womb.  I had strong-willed ones, stubborn ones, high-energy ones, ones that were smarter than me, manipulative ones, emotional ones – but by God’s grace they were all trained by the time they were 3 or 4 years old to be respectful of people and property, genuinely loving and thoughtful toward others, kind and sharing, and a true joy to be around.  They are not perfect, I am not perfect, and the process is not finished.  In fact, there are very clear areas we are dealing with, in each of their lives, even as I write.  But the point is this: it CAN be done with God’s help.  God has provided the wisdom, His Spirit, and the will for us to be GREAT parents who raise GODLY children.

I’ll cover much more practical stuff in future posts, but for now I’ll walk through the scenes above and tell you what should have been done.

SCENE 1: The parents (mom and dad) should begin at home, teaching Janie what is acceptable for her to handle and have at her age.  Certain things/areas should be off limits (electrical outlets, kitchen cabinets, jumping on furniture, for example) and enforced (swats, spankings, slap on the hand, etc.).  With loving consistency, Janie will learn quickly what is acceptable and what is not.  She should also be taught not to throw anything indoors – again, the consistent and immediate physical consequences will make the difference in whether or not this training “takes.”  In all of this the parents need to highlight that respectful and considerate behavior (define those words for your kids, on their level) makes Jesus happy.

Fast forward to the visit to a friend’s house.  Mom should discuss Janie’s behavior BEFORE they get there.  Remind her not to throw stuff, stay out of cabinets, etc.  Our children do remarkably well when we let them know what to expect, and what is expected of them.  Reiterate the importance of repsect for people and property.  Emphasize respecting others.  Upon arrival (until Janie is practiced at being respectful and considerate – in a general sense), mom should have some activity in hand (dolls, coloring book, etc.) that Janie can do while in the same room as mom.  This way mom is available to tell her “No” and give her a swat if she forgets her boundaries.  The main things that were wrong in scene 1 are that Janie didn’t know her boundaries and that mom said, “no” but never enforced it.  Janie knows that mom doesn’t REALLY mean it…

SCENE 2: Again, traning before the fact does wonders.  If Brandon had been told prior to arriving at the playdate that he would be expected to leave happily and obediently when mom called him, or else he’d receive a spanking at home, he would have been much more compliant (providing he really BELIEVES he’ll get the spanking when he gets home, which is an issue of prior consistency).  Again, stress how important respect for others, consideration, self-control are to God (yes, use the word self-control and teach your kids what it means, and that God’s Spirit desires to produce it in them in order to make God happy).

Once you arrive at the playdate, should he resort to the manipulative behavior of falling to the ground, crying, screaming, etc. – then mom is on the hook to make her authority respected.  A quick swat to the seat of the pants and a firm, “No, you do NOT cry and throw a fit when it’s time to go.  You say, ‘O.K. Mommy’ and then you come,” is what is needed.  Notice that not only was the wrong behavior defined, but a right behavior was given as well.  Our kids need to know what TO do, not only what not to do.  Some of the key things that were damaging in Scene 2 were: toleration of wrong behavior, attempts at distraction, comparison with other children, attempts at coercion, lack of immediate discipline, excuse making. 

More to come in the future… comments are welcome!

“Protecting” your kids

The over-protective mom or dad has become a stereotype in our culture.  It typically goes something like this…

Little Johnny is never allowed to do anything – really.  He might get hurt.  He might see something his little eyes can’t handle.  He might hear something that his little ears will not like or pick up some tone of voice that his mom and dad don’t want him to have.  He can’t play with other kids, cause they are a “bad influence.”  He can’t watch TV (with the exception of “Sesame Street”) – there’s too much bad stuff on there.  In fact, mom and dad may not even have a TV in the house, just to make sure.  There’s NO WAY he’ll be able to watch a movie at a friend’s house because mom and dad have to preview it first.  And if it’s rated anything more than “G” then he won’t see it – ever.  What happens to little Johnny?  He grows up knowing absolutely NOTHING about the world he lives in, except that it’s supposed to be perfectly comfortable and designed for HIM!  When he get out of the house, he’s in for a HUGE surprise, and often goes off the deep end or the cliff of morality for quite some time.

My characterization is extreme – I grant you that – though various parts of it are evident in the attitude of parents across the globe.  The desire is GOOD – REALLY GOOD!  Protect our kids, keep them safe, preserve the innocence and purity that is a wonderful part of childhood.  There’s nothing wrong with the desire to do that.  BUT…

I believe you can go overboard and not even know it.  You are doing your best to take care of and provide for your children and unknowingly are doing the very opposite – because you are not thinking it through from a perspective of wisdom.  Now please understand what I’m saying… when they are young (birth to 5) – they NEED to be sheltered from a lot of the ugly stuff of life (inappropriate movies/TV/music, foul language, adult-sized situations such as homosexuality, sex, etc.).  But as your kids begin to develop as a person and as an intellectually competent person (6 to 18) they NEED to begin learning about the REALITY of the world we live in, in age-apppropriate and progressively increasing ways.

I’m not saying they need to experience it personally in all situations or that you dump everything on them on their 6th birthday!  I am saying that they need to be taught (by YOU the parent) about the world, in a way that fits where they are in their development, and how to think about it and live in it in a Godly way. I don’t believe you should allow teenage Johnny to watch “R” rated movies with no supervision or parental approval.  I don’t think you should abandon all standards just because he’s “older.”  Neither do I condone the idea of “let him make is own way in the world.”  (How much more foolish could a parent be?)  But I do think that you have to figure out how to progressively teach him to adopt Godly standards as HIS OWN – and to apply them wisely.

A favorite parenting verse is “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.“  (Proverbs 22:6) The operative word is TRAIN.  It implies a plan.  It implies diligent thought and foresight (on the part of the parent).  It implies that you, the parent are intentional about guiding the child from the naive and innocent realm of childhood into the informed and mature realm of adulthood – and the greater assumption (since the verse is in the Bible) is that the maturity you are shooting for is a Godly perspective that flows from Godly wisdom.

I can give a few examples, right and wrong…

  • WRONG: 5 or 6 year old Janie’s parakeet “Tweety” died.  Mom and Dad found him stiff as a board one morning.  They flushed him – then told Janie that he got out of his cage and flew out the window  (after all, she’s too young to deal with a harsh reality like death, not to mention that those who are to be the example are perpetrating a lie for the sake of “sparing” their child.  That should tell us something right there!)
  • RIGHT: Mom and Dad take the opportunity to talk about the reality of death with little Janie through the opportunity affored by little Tweety’s demise.  They tell her what God says about death (and it’s NOT that parakeets go to heaven – don’t forget about the lying bit…).  They hold her as she cries.  They tell her what death is like for those who trust in Christ.  It’s much better for her to get a little experience under her belt saying “good-bye” to Tweety than it would be if the first time she had to face this reality was when Grandma, or Mom, or Dad died suddenly.  This way Mom and Dad are alongside, helping her know how to respond.  Helping her handle her emotions correctly.  Helping her humble herself under God’s sovereign choices about life and death.  She’s better off learning it early.  She’s better off learning it with loving and wise parents alongside to guide her.  That produces wise children.

 Here’s another…

  • WRONG: 8 year old Josh hears something from a friend about his 9th grade brother who was “making out” with his girlfriend.  When he asks Mom and Dad about it they tell him that the boy and his girlfriend were just talking, “making” some sense “out” of some issues.  (Afterall, he’s too young to learn about kissing, sex, etc. – once again, a lie…)
  • RIGHT: Mom and Dad feel that since Josh asked, and they try to be honest in all things, it’s time for him to know, in an approriate way for who he is and his development (Mom and Dad should be aware of what that level is better than anyone else).  So Mom and Dad give him a very basic idea of what “making out” is.  Kissing each other.  They tell him that it’s not appropriate for kids that age to be doing those kinds of things – because God tells us to flee from those kinds of things until we are married.  If Josh asks more questions (“Why would they do that?  Is it fun?, etc.) then Mom and Dad recognize that he’s ready to know a little bit more (and he’ll find it out a WRONG attitude and definition of it somewhere else if they don’t give him the PROPER understanding of it.)  So they tell him more.

Now for one with a kid a bit older…

  • WRONG: 12 year old Bobby is not allowed to watch a ”PG” or “PG-13″ movie that Mom and Dad saw solely because there is a guy in it who has a bad attitude and yells at God in frustration as he’s struggling through issues in his life.  They don’t want him to think that kind of behavior is “O.K.”  – and they surely don’t want him to pick up that kind of attitude or behavior himself, so they simply forbid him from watching it.
  • RIGHT:  Mom and Dad watch the movie with Bobby and pause at points to discuss what they are seeing.  They talk about how life is hard, even as a Christian.  They talk about the reality that all Christians have at least one time in their life where they feel just like the guy in the movie – a time where they don’t understand what God is doing in their lives, are disappointed, or are discouraged.  It’s not going to damage your kids to admit to them that Christianity is not a cure-all for the pains of the human condition!  IF they have you to walk them through a mature understanding of God’s faithful care IN SPITE of those hurts.  It won’t damage them if YOU are there to teach them how God uses the hard times and difficulties in life.  They need to learn from YOU that God’s ways are not our ways, they are higher.  YOU help Bobby understand that God works all things together for our GOOD, even the bad stuff.  YOU explain what a Godly response would be in a situation like the guy faced in the movie.  It’s better for YOU, the Mom or Dad to use a piece of fiction to help Bobby grapple with some life-long issues rather than avoiding it through overprotection as long as he’s under your roof – and then seeing him hit the ground in college and not know what to do when he feels angry at God for the first time.  That’s the fertile soil from which apostasy and prodigal-Bobbys grow.

What’s my point in all of this?  I’m addressing things I’ve seen happen in real parenting situations – things that I think are more than protecting the child – they are handicapping.  When we shelter our children too much, we don’t equip them, we don’t “train” them, we don’t come alongside them as we should and help them deal with life and the world that they are being raised in.  Instead, we shelter them inside a Christian bubble and refuse to let the harsh reality of this world touch them.  They grow up thinking they are confident and “ready” for life (and the parents think they are too) but they soon find out that when they hit the real world they are very ill-equipped.

Kids raised in an environment that is too sheltered respond in a variety of ways when they discover that they weren’t adequately prepared to live as Christians in a world that is corrupt.  Some get really angry and bitter toward Mom and Dad for sheltering them too much.  In their immaturity they lash out, saying that their parents were too “strict” when the reality is that they weren’t adequately prepared for life.  Others feel “cheated” and dive right into every experience they were denied the moment they are out on their own.  Still others struggle with panic attacks, stress problems, lack of self-confidence, timidity, etc.  The truth is that Mom and Dad, with the best of intentions, did them a terrible disservice.

We need to raise “wise” children – not sheltered ones.  We need to raise Godly, mature children, not ignorant, immature ones.  With God’s help, we can do so…

ADHD or Something Else?

Take a bit of time to watch this video on “the drugging of our kids.” 

 I have, for many years been very skeptical of the diagnosis of ADD and ADHD.  I don’t doubt that there are some legitimate physical conditions that we don’t fully understand yet, that may fall into these categories.

BUT I CANNOT believe that there are as many children (and adults for that matter) who are TRULY in need of the medications that are prescribed as the statistics show.  What are the stats?  Between the years of 1995 and 2000 the number of prescriptions of psychotropic drugs for children more than doubled!

I believe we live in a society that is looking for a “quick fix” to our problems and a diagnosis like this makes it easy to “correct” behavior problems in kids with a prescription drug.  In my observation – and admittedly, I’ve not seen every case of supposed ADD/ADHD – many of these cases can be tangibly or legitimately shown to be examples of bad parenting, lack of boundaries in the home, or unusual amounts of stress on the child.  All of these are the parents’ responsibility.

Again, let me way – I am SURE that there are many legitimate cases of some form of these problems, but not all that we see today.

Father, help us to see wisely as Your children, so that we do not allow ourselves to be duped into drugging our children instead of wisely parenting them!