Tagged: Forgiveness

God: Loving & Forgiving – sermon audio

Sermon audio is now online for “God: Loving & Forgiving”.  You can listen below, or download it HERE.

Is therapy really what you need?

I’ve grown to appreciate Albert Moehler, President of Southern Seminary in Louisville, KY.  He’s a sharp guy, and very helpful in thinking through many, many issues.

In one of his recent blog posts… he recounted one of his recent “Twitter” posts… it was in response to Congressman Weiner’s statement that he would be seeking “therapy” to help with his recent moral failure:

“Dear Congressman Weiner: There is no effective ‘treatment’ for sin. Only atonement, found only in Jesus Christ.”

As far as I know, Rep. Weiner is not among my “followers” on Twitter. I did not assume that he was reading my posting. My message was mostly directed at my fellow Christians as a reminder of this very concern — that the American impulse is to seek treatment when our real need is for redemption.

His point is very well taken.  Even many Christian authors nowadays seem to be convinced that therapy is king, when really, its Jesus.

Feelings – Facts – and Foolish Behavior

I’ve recently been getting an updated lesson in the danger of allowing your good judgment to be overridden by your emotions.  It’s not just that people make impulsive or irrational decisions when that’s the case… (though it’s very true)… It’s also that otherwise Biblically-centered Christians willingly deny the clear teachings of scripture when emotional motivations get involved.  One example may be helpful (two sides to the same coin)…

  • I can’t tell you the number of people who REFUSE to go to someone they know is offended by them, in spite of the teachings of Matthew 5.  It’s just too hard, too stressful, too whatever…
  • In like manner, a ton of folks will not go to someone who has somehow sinned against them – contrary to Matthew 18.  Again, too much at risk emotionally to walk out on that limb…

In both scenarios it’s important to note that Jesus Himself is the One Who gave the instructions… and He never said we should gauge our willingness to obey His words by how we feel – no, it’s a matter of faith (trusting  Him to honor our willingness to obey what He says).  When we step into the fray IN SPITE of our emotions to the contrary, we are putting the conflict/situation squarely in HIS lap… putting ourselves in a position where HE has to come through if anything beneficial is going to happen.  That’s living by faith…

Could it be that the enemy of our souls has done a very good job at conditioning us (our culture) to react emotionally so that we’ll be unwilling to respond Biblically?

Could it be that if we followed Jesus’ commands in this realm, we’d have less conflict and more opportunity to live at peace with others?

Could it be that were we to practice such things, we’d actually have LESS emotional hang-ups because we have been able to have many of our emotional hurts resolved in short order?

Could it be?

Altar-calls (and similar practices) – Good or Bad?

I grew up in a church where every service had an altar call – a time when people were invited to go to the front of the auditorium, kneel at the altar (yes, we had a real altar) and pray to get things right with the Lord.  In my life, some significant things happened at that altar (prayer for family members, my own salvation, etc.).  I can remember us singing the last stanza of  “Just As I Am” over and over while the preacher waited for that one last person to come forward.

As I grew older, and I think wiser in the Lord, the practice became a bit more questionable to me…especially the drawing out of it while pleading with another person to come.  I remember once, my friend went down to the altar after the 7th or 8th time through the last stanza of the song,  just cause he wanted to go home!  Not good!

Anyway, this post is my attempt to explore some of the common practices associated with that type of gospel appeal, not in an attempt to be overly critical, but in an attempt to be thoughtful about what is right.

HEADS BOWED, NOBODY LOOKING AROUND

  1. This technique has been standard practice in many churches for many years.  I know that it’s a good-hearted attempt to minimize the possibility of people feeling “on the spot” or embarrassed.  But a friend recently pointed out to me that it’s possible (even likely) that this practice unintentionally communicates to the unsaved person that the decision to trust in Jesus is in fact an embarrassing thing, or something to be ashamed of.  I wonder if that is true… and if it is, we should NOT be communicating that!  Faith in Christ is a joyous, wonderful thing!  All heaven rejoices when someone makes that decision!  Why would we want to communicate anything BUT that?
  2. Does the “heads bowed” practice unintentionally communicate that a choice to follow Jesus is supposed to be a “secret” thing?  If so, then new believers may feel like their decision is supposed to be “hush-hush” to those outside the church – after all, it’s hush-hush inside the church…
  3. The “heads bowed” practice also keeps any believers present from seeing who is entering into the family of God.  I know that’s the point, but I think it might be very misguided!  When we are not looking around, we don’t get the opportunity to welcome our new brothers and sisters into the family!  We don’t get to affirm their decision and make them feel a part of the Kingdom!  Everyone loses when this happens…
  4. Is it possible that this practice also communicates that the decision is not really all THAT valuable or important?  I mean, if it’s not important enough to let others know about when you do it, then why would it be important in other contexts or times?

WALK THE AISLE / SIGN THE CARD / SHAKE THE PASTOR’S HAND

  1. This practice too is a very time-honored one.  And I know that in many realms it is seen as an opportunity to give someone the chance to “confess with their mouth, Jesus is Lord.“  Great.  I’m all for that.  But is this the best way to do it?
  2. This practice, in my observation, can also be too easily turned into a focus on numbers of people (One Pastor asking another: “How many conversions have you had this month?”), rather than genuine conversions.  As Jesus said, we are born into the Kingdom of God in quite a mysterious way.  It’s a bit too simplistic to me to believe that a person walking an aisle is sufficient indication of a genuine conversion.  While it’s great to know who’s a new believer so that we can follow up with them in terms of effective discipleship, we may inadvertently communicate that their “walking the aisle” was the act of conversion when they may not have really understood the gospel.
  3. I’m feeling more and more that this practice easily gives people a false sense of assurance.  It’s to easily conceived along the lines of a “work” for salvation, instead of an emphasis on faith.  Now I know, many who use this practice verbally stress the faith aspect of the decision – but too many people in our culture equate church with religion and religious actions.  I suspect many from liturgical backgrounds see these kinds of responses on the same level as confessional, mass, confirmation, etc. – and thereby give the action they are doing too much credence.  When asked if they are a believer, their response may be, “Well, I walked the aisle when I was 10 years old…”

REPEAT THIS PRAYER / SINNER’S PRAYER

  1. I agree that many people are so unchurched that they may have no clue how to apply the gospel to themselves.  They need to be led to Christ, no question.  But is this the best way to do that?
  2. In the way that I’ve seen this practiced, it is too close to a “mantra” of other religions and I think it may be in danger of being seen that way by many new people within the church.  Again, they may believe that because they “prayed the prayer” years ago, they are believers in Christ, when in fact they never understood the gospel and therefore never received it in a genuine way.
  3. Honestly, I’m struggling with this one more than any of the others mentioned.  I KNOW that many people don’t have a clue where to begin in becoming a Christian and won’t know how to pray a genuine prayer of repentance.  But I also KNOW that God is sovereign to call His own to Himself.  I want to believe that He will put the proper conviction and repentance in their hearts, to lead them to a knowledge of how to repent, etc.  But I also want to be diligent to do my part in communicating the gospel and a proper response of repentance in an effective way.

Comments are more than welcome… I’m working this one out as we speak…

Repentance & Forgiveness – some common objections

My first post on this subject discussed what I see as the Biblical pattern for forgiveness – forgiveness is to be given after repentance is offered.  I quickly covered how we can see this pattern in the Levitical law of the sacrifices, in the way God forgives us, and in the way Jesus instructs us to forgive others.

This is a very difficult concept for many to grasp, because our culture, over the last how-many-ever years has taught us WRONGLY that forgiveness means that we just “overlook the offense and get over it.”   And the church has bought the lie – telling believers that this is the “Christian” way to respond to offenses.  But my contention is that such an idea is not only wrong, but unBiblical and damaging to the church.

I’d like to spend this post responding to some common objections to what the Bible REALLY teaches about forgiveness…

OBJECTION: But Jesus taught us to pray, “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.”  Doesn’t that tell us that our forgiveness before God is dependent on our forgiveness of others?  If we do not forgive, as you suggest, aren’t we putting our souls in danger?

RESPONSE: You are right in saying that there is some way in which our willingness to forgive others demonstrates whether we truly understand and therefore are able to receive our own forgiveness from the Father.  But look closely at the verses in question (Matthew 6:9-15).  Nowhere do those verses DEFINE what forgiveness is… it’s assumed that we  know what it means, and that’s my main point – OUR MODERN CULTURE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT FORGIVENESS MEANS! We have to abandon our ideas of what it is and go to the scriptures for that definition!

Nowhere does the Bible even infer that forgiveness means “overlooking the sins of others.”  Even God, the One with more mercy than anyone else, does not forgive by overlooking sins!  He can’t because of His just nature -  justice must be done, and to overlook a wrong would be an injustice!

So what DOES it mean when we pray that God will forgive us, as we forgive others?  It means that we are asking God to forgive us WHEN WE REPENT (1 John 1:9, Psalm 7:12, Mark 1:4, Luke 13:3, Acts 3:19, 2 Corinthians 7:10, 2 Peter 3:9 ) as we forgive others when THEY repent!  (the parable found in Matthew 18:21-35 is especially helpful here… notice that the forgiven servant was forgiven his debt to his Master WHEN HE REPENTED, but would not do the same for his fellow servant who also repented – THAT hypocrisy was what angered the Master).  What Jesus is speaking to in the Matthew 6:9-15 passage is the very human tendency to hold a grudge even when a person is repentant!  To say, “No, I can NEVER forgive you… even though you say you are sorry!” THAT is the hypocrisy of denying others the same mercy God has given to you, and the exact kind of unforgiveness Jesus is addressing.

OBJECTION: Jesus died “while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8), so we should forgive just as He did.

RESPONSE: Yes, absolutely!  Jesus died for us while we were still in our sinful condition.  But He did not FORGIVE US of those sins until we turned to Him in repentance.  If we imply by Romans 5:8 that Jesus automatically forgives us without our response of repentance, then we are saying that when Jesus died for the sins of the whole world (1 John 2:2, 1 Timothy 4:10), He forgave the sins of the world at that moment also.  That is much more akin to Universalism than it is  Christianity.  As Romans 5:8 clearly teaches, Jesus’ death “while we were still sinners” shows His love for us, by providing the only appropriate sacrifice FOR our sins – thereby opening the way to forgiveness which the Father is eager to give to the repentant soul.

OBJECTION: What if the person who has sinned against us never repents or is unable to repent (dead, or in a coma, etc.)?  Then are we just stuck with it?  How can we ever be free of it if we don’t “forgive” (overlook the offense)?  RELATED OBJECTION: Aren’t you acting as Judge in the situation if you refuse to “forgive” (overlook the offense)?

RESPONSE: This objection misunderstands what we ARE to do with offenses against us when a person is unrepentant.

There is no way in which we are “stuck with” the offense and the pain of it, etc. when we follow the example of Jesus in the way HE handed the sinful behavior leveled at Him.  1 Peter 1:21-24 teaches us that Jesus is our perfect example of what to do when we are treated wrongly.  There are 3 simple (not always easy, but simple) steps that Peter outlines:

  1. Do not respond in kind (i.e. insult for insult or injury for injury)
  2. Entrust yourself (and the offense) to God, who judges justly.
  3. Trust in the healing Jesus has provided through His own suffering and death on your behalf.

What is actually happening when we apply Peter’s instruction?  First, we are not allowing a fleshly or self-absorbed retaliation to the injury or sin.  In other words, we are being careful to be angry (at the sin, as God is because wrong has been done…  in fact, God will pour out His WRATH on sin eventually – Revelation 19:15), without sinning (Ephesians 4:26).  For the sake of clarity, let me say it again without the parentheses - The first thing we are doing by not retaliating is to be careful that our righteous anger over the offense does not manifest itself in our own equally sinful response.

The second thing we are doing is giving ourselves and our welfare in the offensive situation to God, the One Who will judge justly.  This, like our initial faith in Christ, is an act of trust.  We are trusting that God will take this, He will handle it rightly, and we no longer have reason or need to hold on to or harbor the offense.  It is in God’s heavenly courtroom now, where He serves as Judge – and we have nothing more to do with it.

OBJECTION: When we refuse to “forgive” (overlook the offense) aren’t we allowing the sinner to control us and therefore losing our freedom in Christ?

RESPONSE: If we are following the pattern Peter lays out for us (1 Peter 1:21-24) as described in the previous response – then we are trusting God to be in control – of the situation and of us as His children. We are actually moving INTO the freedom Christ provides for us by releasing the offense to the righteous judgement of God and walking in personal victory over the feelings of hurt and offense.  Only Christ can provide that, and He does it only through the cross.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A wrong view of forgiveness that flows out of our own disobedience?

I know this way of thinking about forgiveness is stripping the gears of many of you.  But that’s what happens when we approach issues Biblically instead of how we’ve been taught to view them culturally. Our conditioned way of thinking that is unBiblical is challenged and tweaked by what the scriptures really say.  Since the gears are already stripped, I might as well throw in one more related issue…

Our “waiting” for repentance from an offending person should not be done in a non-chalant, unconcerned way.  In fact, we should be pursuing their repentance.  Most have not noticed that the parable of the unforgiving/unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35), which defines forgiveness, comes IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING Jesus’ instruction that we are to go to each other to work out conflict and offenses (read the whole passage here).

Could it be that we’ve defaulted to a definition of forgiveness that means “overlook the offense” because we are so fearful of conflict that we are being willingly disobedient to Jesus’ commands to go to those who offend us?  After all, it’s easier, causes less turmoil, and looks so “nice” and “Christian” (as we’ve come to define it).  But it’s not Biblical.  Not in the least.

There’s no arguing, going to someone who has offended you IS a mess much of the time – Christian or not.  So why would Jesus instruct is to do something that has the potential of blowing up in our faces?  Why? – Out of love for each of us individually and out of love for us corporately as His church!  When we refuse to approach an offense, we are in large part closing the door to the possibility of the offending person’s repentance – which is the very best thing for them! Through the loving confrontation they have the chance to become aware of a sin in their life, and as a result have the opportunity to confess it and be forgiven and cleansed from it (1 John 1:9).  And the person being obedient to carry out the loving confrontation, may just find that THEY were not seeing everything completely clearly and then have the opportunity to confess THEIR OWN sins in the situation.   That is SUCH a loving thing, and a great benefit and sign of health for the church overall!  And should the person initially confronted refuse to repent, then the opportunity is open to follow Jesus’ instruction about church discipline, which opens new doors to the restoration of the sinner and the overall purity of the church!

Like it or not – our view of forgiveness carries HUGE ramifications for the health of the church, Christ’s body and bride.  A wrong view will short-circuit Jesus’ intention for our purity and holiness.  A right view will only strengthen it.

Repentance & Forgiveness (like Peanut Butter & Jelly)

They go together.  That’s the main point.  Biblically, forgiveness can’t happen without repentance.  They are intimately linked.  Repentance means to change your mind about the issue – to think differently about it – to change course.  And those who sin against us need to have a change of mind about their sin before we are able to forgive them.

But that’s SO backwards from what our culture promotes.  We’re told to “just forgive” about everything that happens in life (meaning, “Don’t be upset about it – let it go!”), when the Bible doesn’t characterize it that way at all.  I’m not saying we should hold grudges or harbor bitterness – we shouldn’t.  But we can’t forgive, as it is defined Biblically, if the one who sinned against us has not repented.

Jesus says so Himself in Luke 17:3-4 – “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.“  When should we forgive?  When repentance is offered.

In reading the book of Leviticus today (through the Bible in a year plan) I noticed this same point.  Every time a person recognized their sin (deliberate or accidental) they were told to make a sacrifice for it.  Then and only then were they forgiven.  The sacrifice was the act that SHOWED their repentance.

It’s even more obvious when it comes to eternal forgiveness.  The Father does not forgive on a whim… He forgives when we are faced with the price Jesus paid for our sins and repent.

What would it be like if the Father said, “Oh, don’t worry about all those sins – I’ll just forgive you!” He wouldn’t be acting in accordance with His own holiness.  He’d be overlooking sin instead of punishing it – which means that He’s not being just, and ultimately that Jesus’ death is meaningless and unnecessary!

You see, Jesus became our substitute on the cross SO THAT the Father could grant forgiveness to those who repent by placing their faith in Christ!   Jesus took the punishment that we/our sins deserved – and on that basis alone is the Father able to offer meaningful forgiveness.  Not on the basis of our good works or penance (’cause they are not good enough), and not on the basis of a sentimental whim (i.e. because He feels sorry for us).  God’s holy character requires sin to be punished, and it was punished in Christ.  Therefore, forgiveness is available to all who come to the Father in repentance. There is no such thing as an unrepentant forgiven person!

Carry it out practically.  If we were to do what our culture suggests when no genuine repentance is offered by the offender, we’d be overlooking sin and thereby saying that it doesn’t matter… that justice doesn’t matter.  Imagine it – your son or daughter is abducted and brutally abused and murdered.   Some well-meaning person says, “You are going to have to learn to forgive,” (meaning, “You can’t continue to be upset about this.”)  That is ridiculous, because a very real and damaging sin has been committed, and justice demands that it be punished.  We CAN’T “just forgive” in those terms.  But here is what we CAN do… (and should do)

We can do what Peter instructs in 1 Peter 2:23 – we can take the offense to the Father, entrust it to Him as Jesus did when He was mistreated and reviled (the greatest sin ever committed), and allow the Father (the righteous Judge) to forgive – or not – as HE deems is best (which will flow out of the offender’s repentance or lack thereof).  And we leave it there – believing and trusting that God will do what needs to be done in our lives and in the life of the offender.

“Let it go?”  Absolutely – If you are letting it go to the Father.  “Just forgive?” – only when repentance is offered.  To do less is to minimize the seriousness of sin and the price Jesus paid to free us all from it.

You can find a follow-up to this post HERE

One Small Child – A Christmas Article

One of the local papers in the town where our church meets (The Leadville Herald Democrat) invited me along with other local pastors to post a “Editorial” style letter for the Christmas season.  To me, that’s a no-brainer opportunity – so below is what I submitted.  Your comments are welcome.

One  Small Child

When my first child was born I was amazed by the range of emotions that swept over me – gratitude, fear, and wonder were among them. I held him, moments after his birth, and cried, sang, and prayed. It was unforgettable.

Four days later we placed him in his infant carrier for the first time, buckled him securely in the car, and drove away from the hospital. Suddenly I was struck by another, quite unexpected emotion. Disbelief. My wife and I had come to the hospital together and were being allowed to drive away with ANOTHER tiny little person in our possession. Could it be true? He was mine. My joy, my responsibility, my son – compactly contained in a blanket in the backseat.

Any birth is a miracle; one of God’s amazing gifts that keeps on giving. It’s no surprise that His greatest gift, His Son, came through the amazing process of a baby’s birth. But with Jesus, it was more miraculous than normal. His was the most anticipated birth in the history of the world, foretold by God hundreds, even thousands of years prior. And, true to God’s word, He was born to a young woman who had never known the intimacy of a marriage relationship – a virgin. We are told that his mother Mary, “treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19) The wonder she must have felt makes mine look quite ordinary.

In the hurry of our modern-day Christmas, we often feel little “wonder” about Jesus’ birth, despite it being the most important one ever recorded. God’s miraculous gift – the possibility of forgiveness, meaning, and hope for all eternity are ours through Him. This Christmas, slow down and consider that this one, small child is God’s greatest gift to you.

After the Church Conflict

Just yesterday after morning worship, our small fellowship took some time to address some hurts from the past.  There was an issue with a former Pastor that turned ugly on many different levels and many people were hurt deeply.  All this happened before my time – I’ve only been at Community Church since July of this year (it’s now mid-November).  But our meeting prompts me to emphasize some things I’ve learned about conflict, resolution and healing that I think much of the church has missed out on.

Just so you know, we planned this meeting.  Though it had been just over 3 years since the events we were addressing had taken place, it became obvious to my wife and me – almost as soon as we arrived and began our work here – that the hurts and confusion about those events were lingering and causing much trouble in the lives of our flock.  My wife first had the inkling to have such a meeting after talking with more than a few hurt individuals, and after prayer and thought, I agreed.

I have no desire or need to go into the details of our meeting – that’s not my purpose in this post.  What I do want to do however, is to outline some principles I’ve learned over the years about such things, and saw reiterated once again yesterday.

  1. It does nobody any good to hide the truth – no matter who is involved in it.
    What I mean by this is that the facts are the facts, people have sinned, harm has been done.  It doesn’t help when people who are somewhat “outside” the issues, but know something is going on, are intentionally kept in the dark.  People need to deal with reality, not with what those in leadership may want them to THINK is reality.  We can’t deal with hurts if we don’t know the totality of them.  We can’t handle situations appropriately if we don’t know the reality of what the situation is.  Wrong conclusions WILL be made and acted upon if the truth is not made known.  If we in leadership want the people under our care to learn how to let go of personal hurts, to forgive those who have hurt them, to move on from the pain and heartache, then we’ve got to be willing to admit the wrongs that have been done.  We can do so humbly, without condemning the guilty parties, and without causing our church to be drowned in bitterness and anger.  It’s NOT easy, not fun, and surely not something that everyone will understand.  But if we don’t deal with reality, people will make up one of their own and believe that.  Much more damage occurs in terms of church unity and disfunction when the truth is not known.  Truth is a premium in God’s ecomony, and we church leaders MUST model that, no matter the situation.  Sometimes the facts are hidden for “legal” purposes: to avoid lawsuits.  While I understand those issues, I also understand that truth is important and hurt must be addressed.  How can you do that if you keep the truth hidden?
  2. If you ignore it – it will NOT go away!
    As I mentioned, these conflicts happened 3 years ago, and for me to have moved ahead without giving an opportunity for people to talk about it, become united in a desire to move on from it, and receive healing from it – we would have gone nowhere as a church – and FAST!  Don’t avoid past hurts, deal with them as necessary.
  3. Nobody can forgive what they won’t or can’t admit happened.
    This is closely related to point 1, but with some differences.  We all want to move to a point of forgiveness, or if there is no repentance, a point of entrusting the hurt to God as Christ did.  But we can’t do that if we won’t let ourselves see the hurt or offense for what it really is.  It does no good to say, “I forgive you for being unkind to me,” if the reality is that the person was more than unkind; they were in fact malicious and hateful.  We have to admit the fullness of what was done if we are going to fully release it to the Father.  That little bit of yeast (sin) that remains goes a very long way…
  4. Church leaders MUST submit to appropriate and effective accountability.
    When a church leader will not submit to accountable relationships (leadership boards/elders/deacons, whatever you call them in your church), action should be taken immediately.  It takes courage, and a good deal of perseverance to address when you see it, but the refusal or subtle avoidance of REAL accountability is the first sign of a very big problem.  I know of many churches who have avoided issues in their Pastor’s or other leader’s life for so long, that now the leader is so entrenched with is own set of “supporters” that removing him (if necessary) is going to destroy the entire church.  And the entire world has seen what can happen in a church leader’s life when nobody knows what’s REALLY going on in his private world.  All that can be avoided if a close eye is kept on this issue of accountability and steps are taken to address it at the first sign of problems.  I know that even church boards can be sinful and have bad motives in the way they ”control” a Pastor or even attack him.  I’ve known of those situations as well.  But the point I’m making is for the Pastor to heed – be accountable to the proper authorities in your church.  Give them a way to support you by coming to your defense should others accuse you.  They can only do so if they know the truth about your private life.  I know it’s a risk – people use your “dirt” against you sometimes.  But I believe the church of Jesus is worth the risk, and we leaders have to set the example.
  5. Tears are a healing thing – let them come.
    I saw tears of healing yesterday that had been 3 years in the making.  People who felt alone throughout the entire struggle who found out that others felt the same way.  Individuals who were hurt deeply hearing that others shared their pain and were hurt because they were hurt.  I saw tearful apologies made – confessions about what should have been done, but wasn’t – and sorrow expressed over it.  Relationships that were strained were put back together and the tears were almost like the glue that did the bonding.  Emotion can get out of control – but it doesn’t have to.  Church leaders, let’s lead our people into that appropriate, Godly sorrow that Paul talked about when conflict arises.  Let’s take them to that place of humility so that God can do something with them.

Church conflict is never fun, and seldom something we look back on with fond memories.  But we can do our best to help the people under our care walk through it in a healthy way – but it will require that we do some things that we’ve tried to avoid.  We Pastors/Elders should set the example of being “bold” for the sake of proper church unity and function.

The Value of a Good Cry – OR – Godly Sorrow

I have to admit that this is a topic that I still have a great deal to learn about – but I’m seeing more and more how vital it is to a healthy walk with Christ.

None of us want to experience sorrow.  It’s painful, uncomfortable, disconcerting – all kinds of things that we construe as negative.  But we need to understand that in God’s ecomony even those kinds of things can be and are redeemed for His good purposes.  I’ve had my share of sorrows, both circumstancially and personally (because of sin issues).  This last week I walked through one of those times where I was confronted with my own sinfulness in a particular area – and the Lord was gracious enough to lead me to what I feel is a place of true repentance – a place where real change begins to happen. 

The primary text that I think fits this topic is found in 2 Corinthians chapter 7.  In that passage Paul addresses a sorrow that the Corinthian believers experienced because of a stern letter (probably exhortive or confrontational) he had previously written to them.  Though the circumstances in their situation no doubt differ from yours or mine, there’s a great deal of value in the principles Paul lays out for us…

He writes:

 8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was not on account of the one who did the wrong or of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. 13 By all this we are encouraged.

Some of the valuable principles I see in this passage:

  • Sorrow has the potential to lead to repentance – true repentance.  I believe that we only change a sinful behavior in our lives when the full gravity of its effects weigh upon us.  That’s what happened to me this past week.  I saw the damaging, hurtful, terrible consequences of something I was in the habit of doing.  Specifically I saw the damage it was having on people who I love, and it truly broke my heart.  It filled me with sorrow.  It caused something inside me to “click” into a mode of thinking and behavior that realized in totality what I had been doing, and raised up a fully orbed desire to change.  Someone once told me that we can’t fully repent of something until we fully understand its consequences and impact on us and the world around us.  I believe that – it’s what I think Paul means when he refers to it as “godly sorrow.”
  • This kind of sorrow “leaves no regret” – it is a cleansing sort of thing.  That’s where I’d say the value of a “good cry” comes in.  When we’ve cried it all out in true sorrow and have fully repented – there’s a sense of peace and cleansing that follow.  It’s a sensation and a calm “knowing” that we are forgiven and set on the right course that is powerful and life-changing.
  • That has already lead us to the next step – the place of change.  Look carefully at what Paul wrote.  This kind of repentance leads us to a very concerted desire to make things right…. to change behaviors, to make restitution if needed, to heal the wounds we may have caused others.  Something about the way it works out in our souls gives us not only the motivation to change (we’ve all had that at times and still failed in our efforts to change), but also the power to change.  Here’s the mysterious part (to me).  I don’t know exactly what it is that clicks inside us and causes the true change (besides the Spirit of God honoring our true repentance), but I’m glad it’s there.  It’s really the only hope of change in many cases…  I know it has to do with true humility, etc.

This place of sorrow, when we need to come to it, is a very powerful place, even though it’s something we try to avoid.  My wife and I have been privileged to lead people in a kind of counseling that we’ve learned to call “prayer counseling” that has proven to be very instrumental in healing relationships and helping people change.  A huge component of it is in seeing people come to this place of honest, nothing-held-back repentance about their own failings and sins.  It brings a cleansing that lasts and a power to change that I’ve not seen provided anywhere else.  And it’s all fueled by the work of the Spirit in uncovering things that went underground long ago.  I praise Him for that kind of work.  Another aspect of that type of approach is to move through the process of fully forgiving wrongs done to you – another difficult, but related issue.  If you’d like to know more about the process we typically use – I’d be glad to interact on that…

So here’s what I’d encourage:

  1. Don’t avoid this kind of introspection or repentance.  Let the Spirit of God lead you in it.  It’s very difficult, and you may feel at times like the sorrow of it is more than you can bear.  But God’s grace will see you through to a greater sense of freedom and resolve than you’ve previously experienced if you’ll trust Him to take you there.
  2. Don’t try to do this alone.  Find someone who can help you be honest in the process.  Our tendency is to down-play our sinfulness or failings instead of freely and fully admitting them.  You need someone who is wise, objective, and willing to speak the truth about what you uncover, so that you can confess and deal with things as the really are – not as you’ve imagined them to be.

As always, thanks for reading, considering, and praying about what I post here… Your readership means a TON to me…